I meant to post an update on Simon last week, but that didn't happen. On Tuesday we went in for the VCUG. They decided to take a quick picture to make sure there wasn't any more contrast in his system like there was the last time they tried to do this procedure. Guess what. There was still contrast. After two weeks. I was a little surprised. They sent us home without doing the procedure again. We rescheduled and are waiting.
On a positive note, Simon is sleeping better. He is also eating better, without spitting up much at all. He is happy. He is smiling and laughing. He would smile before, but not very often. Now he is smiling lots and even chuckles. It is adorable. We have the other VCUG scheduled for Wednesday, and I will let everyone know how that goes, and if we have to reschedule again or not. Please pray that all is okay.
It has been a waiting game from the beginning. There isn't much that I can do, and that is the worst feeling any mother can have. Watching your child that is sick or hurt or anything, and not being able to help. I have been feeling pretty inadequate. I am not able to tell what's wrong when he cries. The other boys were easy. I knew what they wanted and when. Now, I have this beautiful little one, and I have no idea what I'm doing. Baby #4 and I thought I would be a pro. Quite often I am debating with myself about my ability to care for him. The first three did fine, but Simon is different. Why am I not able to keep him healthy? Why am I not able to keep him happy? Why? Why? Why? I have no answers. I feel like I am not a good enough mom. I feel like I have failed.
I find my rest in God. I read my Bible, and don't find answers to my questions, but I do find peace. I find comfort. I feel like God is giving me a great big hug and telling me it's okay. It's hard to explain. Have you ever felt it? Has God ever made you feel better about the mess you're in without changing it at all?
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