I was riding in the car with my husband recently, and realized that I really don't trust his driving. I found myself holding the arm rest, the door and anything else I could hold on to. He was turning corners faster than I would have. I told him a few times what the speed limit was, or that the light ahead was red. I wasn't sure if he knew.
I found myself trying a couple times to slam on the brakes, only to realize that I am in the passenger seat and there are no brakes on that side of the car. I wanted to drive myself. I wanted control.
Have you ever felt this way? I really hope I am not alone.
The problem is, this doesn't just happen when in the car. I can't let anyone have control. I have to follow the kids around the house when they are cleaning, and re-clean. They miss things. They don't do it right. I have to pre-wash and sometimes re-wash dishes because the dishwasher doesn't get everything. I have to straighten crooked diapers, and clothes. I can't let the kids walk around with clothes backwards or shoes on the wrong feet.
I have often felt that if I don't do it, then it won't get done right. What I forget, is that I can't do it right, at least not alone.
I learned recently (again) that I do not have control, and I never will. God is in control. I have handed over the reigns (again). I am letting go (again). I think I have gone through all this before. Yes, I have. Why didn't I learn anything?
Let me tell you, I have learned a lot in the last few weeks. I have been through trial after trial. Nothing major, but lots of little stuff. Sometimes the little stuff gets to me more than the big stuff. I have been trying to take care of everything myself, and it hasn't been working.
*smack hand on forehead*
No wonder it's not working.
Prayer is working. Things are slowly falling into place. I am officially out of control, and loving it.
